Yuku free message boards

Theresa! Fancy me bumping into this thread! I am currently going through something very similar, except distance is involved for me. I'll tell you what I'm going through, and then share what little advice I might be able to offer.

I am 18 years old. I've never dated a guy in my life. When I was 15 I went to a camp, but they call it a training center because it's Christian and they stress character building and such. I met tons of great friends, and as wonderful as my experience was, I never went back. But some of my friends who live near me (because a group of us went together) returned for another year, while some of them even worked there over the summer.

There is this guy, of course. He used to work at the camp, but unfortunately he wasn't there the summer I went. But I met him online, his reputation verified by my friends who had met him, and he and I hit it off right away. We first started talking three years ago. I was 15, he was 28. He is 13 years older than me!

When I first started talking to him it was quite fun. I didn't know anything about him, so we talked back and forth , trying to get to know each other. We almost instantly came up with a nickname for each other, we both refer to the other as "Arch" because we are arch-rivals in a good way. I often went to him for advice, because he is very wise and witty at the same time. I truly trusted him. (still do, I might add) Somehow, not sure exactly what happened, but I stopped talking to him for a few months out of pure busyness and then went back to talking to him. We IMed and such, and I fantasized about wanting to visit him. He took me seriously, and I said, well, I'm not going to visit you until I at least hear your voice. This was a little over a month ago. We exchanged numbers and he called me that weekend. We had one of the best conversations I have ever had! Though I am biased in his favor

We truly began as just friends, but gradually, like with most guy-girl friendships, it has potential to grow into more. The first time I talked to him, I'm telling you, I was infatuated! I was sooo into him, truly high on this man! I vowed that I wouldn't call him for 8 days, just to give me a chance to calm myself, and let the dust settle. I knew that I was in an emotionally precarious point, and I didn't want to screw everything up with my enthusiasm.

Well, I'm not sure what to say next. I called him exactly 8 days later, but he was busy and said he would call me back the next night. He called me the next evening, and he was tired and I was reallllly talkative, and over-all it was just a BAD conversation! I felt very stupid and sad about it.

Four weeks later, he calls me. I was downstairs, the phone was upstairs, and I missed his call. I called him back a few days later and we once again had a wonderful chat. I truly love this man! But something has changed that I'm going to try to explain. Distance sucks, but even if we lived in the same state, I know that the root of my issue is his age. 13 years is a lot! I try to tell myself often that love knows no age, which is true, but there are different levels of love. I asked many people for advice (bad grobies thread, lol, they rock!) and many people told me to go with it! If it's true love age doesn't matter! You'll never know if you don't try! Anything can happen! What's the worst? you'll just remain friends, that's not so bad!

I was very thankful for their advice at the time, but what I'm starting to realize is that even thought I do care about this man very deeply, and sure there will always be a possibility that we will get together, I need to be happy with just being friends. We are very close and we both are open about things with each other when we would be more reserved with others. Our friendship is so wonderful because we just accept each other for who we are! He said to me last night, "Nothing you say could change my opinion of you." I thought that was a pretty strong statement!

We playfully flirt, while at other times we are honest and open. Neither of us have actually come out saying "I want to date you" or "I know we can never date" so somehow we are still lingering in the middle, and I'm okay with that. Deep down inside I feel like even though it is POSSIBLE, I also have the parents issue (and four brothers who will whip the ass of any guy who hurts me!). So I have come to terms that I will never date him. Never. It's hard to say, hard to type, but that is what I have decided and I am honestly happy about it! Our friendship/relationship is not based on shallow things. It is based on mutual respect and the fact that we just get along as two people! Romance has nothing to do with it, but if it ever became part of us, it would be wonderful. But I don't NEED it.

This is very long, I am sorry. I just feel like if I tell you my whole story you might get a better idea of where I am coming from. I know our situations aren't exactly the same, but I find them to be uncannily similar.

My advice is simple: just be friends with him! In your case it sounds like you might have a chance with him, something that I don't think I have with my man. If you guys ever take it to the next level, that will be awesome! But just don't rush it, because all good relationships start out as friendships. It's clear that he respects you (concerning the concert that he missed, he was very sweet about that). He likes hugging you, dancing with you, and you seem to have mutual respect. I wish you luck! Just remember that it's okay if it's slow. Sometimes that is best. And don't tell him that you like him. He knows. If you enjoy being in his company, he'll pick up on it through your smiles and gestures. He might ask you out one of these days, and you wouldn't want to ruin his plans by telling him how mad you are over him

Hope this doesn't make me sound off my rocker! Good luck

You know what my guy taught me? Not to judge myself so fast and to give others a chance to judge me. Like, I told him that I feel stupid when I get really talkative, and that's when he kind of scolded me. I thought I was being annoying, but he didn't!! So don't assume that you sounded stupid. And even if you DID sound stupid, he might find it really hot. Give him a chance to like you

I'm so excited to see where this goes. I am living vicariously through you, I can't lie. I love my man, but I'm cool with not dating him. But you! You want to date your guy! Keep me updated!

Is that a good thing, or did I overstep my boundaries? lol!

I miss my man so bad tonight! I wish he would call me or get online, but he's been busy lately. *sigh*

Nice move changing the thread title. I've been thinking that we could use a thread like this!

Patty, aw man I hate that feeling! You like this guy so much but really really don't want to. And on top of liking Zach, you got tangled up with Josh. My first thought is that you should break up with Josh, because obviously you aren't getting much from the relationship (not that relationships are only for getting things from, but you know, in this case it seems unhealthy. you could always say that "the distance isn't working"). Now for Zach, well, in my experiences (and i've never dated a guy, only crushed really really hard! so keep that in mind, lol, i might not the best one to give advice), getting over guys can be the toughest thing ever. Sometimes getting over guys just takes TIME. I know, I hate that word! But in other cases I've been able to get over guys by trying to just be FRIENDS with them. I know, another word we all hate! But honestly, if you just concentrate on becoming better and stronger friends (without any romance involved) you may find yourself gradually getting over him. And the benefit of this method? You are still great friends with him! Sometimes after getting over a guy I end up hating him, but not with this method. This way you and he still get along and you might end up being really happy for him when he dates other girls.

Or, maybe you might be lying to us. Maybe you DON'T want to get over Zach. You wouldn't be the first, I tell ya! I lie about how I feel towards my guy all the time. lol, it's a self-preservation tool. We don't want to get hurt, so we claim that we "don't like him," when really all we want is to just be with him forever! So maybe you still like Zach, and if so, just take it slow and try your hardest to be patient. It sounds like you need to get him out of your system, but maybe the real problem is that you need to get him IN your system: i.e. date him! So wait till you both are reading (not dating anyone else) and then go for it! And don't worry about Josh. If you and Zach are meant for each other it will work out!

Like I said, I'm not the best person to give advice, but if you can sift through this feel free to use my ideas! Hope it all works out for you!

I know it, sister, I know!

That book sounds interesting, I'm going to look for it!