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loveJoshsSmile wrote:

Your wallie will be next by the way

*girlish super-loud scream*

ps: did you like the idea i pmd you? *ducks tomatoes*
Hope you did *blush*- have loads of ideas, will pm you some later, but let's just take it slowly, i don't wanna suffocate you w/ ideas. *blush*

ps2: thank you for the post you wrote earlyer, i know, it's beautiful and frightening at the same time.
(((Krisz)))
(>hugs you super tight<)

Hi Lexxa I apologize for not replying to this right away, man, sometimes posts are way faster than me

Your idea was great, and I'm digesting it in my head. You can send me ideas any time. I will credit you on the wallpaper! It's only fair...

I know I promised your wallie will be next, but these past few days had been very loaden with my own ideas. I was affected by the full moon (officially full today, Friday) and thoughts that are the result of some 8 years of uhm, hiding in a soft place to avoid getting hurt.

Basically, to those of you who don't know this about me, I like to write. I started writing silly stuff around age 15, and kept writing silly romantic stuff up till today. I first wrote about my own fantasies, in my diary. No one else read those. (I hope.) Then I wrote fanfics. (I still do.) Then I wrote a few stories of my own, just oneshots. But my favourites were fanfics, especially of Josh. Writing had become a major part of me, it's a way of expressing myself, telling the world about my fears and joys, and lately, a way of self-dicovery. Self-therapy, I call it. Anyway, I wrote a LOT about Josh... some nice stuff too. (I do have witnesses LOL.) But anyway, the long and short of it is... I only realized yesterday... that what had been bothering me for months now is the fact that I don't want to write about Josh any more... and in fact, to be honest, it has never been him I wrote about, but mostly, the characters beside him. He was a given, he was someone we all know (some parts of him at least), so these stories were kindof easy to follow. I have been using him big time... he inspired me to write... he still does... but I think I have come to the point where I just don't want to write fanfics any more.

I want to write my own stuff. The characters I gave Josh to handle... were all mine. I should have seen it all this time. He helped me a great deal, but all those characters were just people I made up... so why couldn't I make up someone... who is not Josh?

I know this sounds so obvious. And it is so obvious. But it took me nine years to realize that I don't need to hide behind a celebrity's persona: I can write on my own. About characters I make up in my mind. If you (anyone in general, not you Lexxa ) read any of my stories- Mary, Chris, Kat, Anne, Lyudmila, Aimée, all of these are just so independent of Josh. God help me, why did this take me so much to realize?!

I do know the answer... I need readers and no one would read my stories just like that. So many people are writing... I did need readership, so I posted in a community where I knew people would read what I wrote. THAT is something I will dearly miss if I stop writing fanfics... in fact, I'm so dead scared no one will read what I write, that the loneliness of the thought makes me feel like abandoning writing altogether so I'm not sure how I'll proceed from here, but I *know* that I need to let go of Josh... I held his hand for way too long. I have feet of my own, I have to stand on them... I will do my best to finish my fanfics, nevertheless, they are good stories, and then, I don't know. I'll probably whine and write about Josh anyway, to have feedback. *sniffle*

But yeah, this was so heavy on my mind for such a long time... I never even realized. Only yesterday. (Lor told me many weeks ago... she knew before I did. ((Lor)) ) I'm relieved- knowledge makes one light. I feel light. I just need to figure out- what next?

Sorry for hijacking your post Lexxa, this kindof wanted to get out of me. Apologies for the diary-post, y'all.

robinqm wrote:

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GORJUSS!!!♥♥ Love the let me fall one!! Looks like the full moon is beginning
to work it's magic again
I'm going to be gone this weekend (Friday~Tuesday)so won't be able to comment
on anything during that time...I'll miss you! *hugs*
Have fun making wallies
Love n' Hugs,
Robin

Hi Robin *hug* Hope you had a great time wherever you were, and I hope the moon didn't cause trouble- welcome back home (by the time you read this you'll be home haha) and post some more of those heart-stopping wallpapers of yours, will ya?

And you know what I miss? I miss your fanvids... *sad* I remember the Celtic-music one... and the My December one which basically turned me inside out... when are you making one again??? *hug*

Angelquee wrote:

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Joshsmistress wrote:

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DONNIE! *hugs* It's okay, shush, *rocks Donnie back and forth*
"Hush now Donnie, don't you cry...
rest your wings dear butterfly.."
You know what? I bet in retrospect he is very happy with what he's done for all of us, and that his life is very fulfilling. And things will change on the board. I mean, if we all band together and do something about this, we can all see past our differences and get along. It'll be okay in the end.

Agreed Sophia! Krisz don't worry. Everything is going to be all right. When Josh gives the command to behave ourselves, the ones who don't will. It's a shame it had to result in the "head honcho" coming down on our backs because we couldn't it resolve it ourselves. It came from the man himself and most likley they will see Josh's video blog too. So don't worry. I also do hope my family and I can meet you one day.

However....I can't help but feel that all the arguing started because of me. I triggered it when I made those threads about animal rights and vegetarianism. Maybe he was reffering to me also

Jannette, is it possible you might vacation to the US one day? Cause maybe then we can meet up.

*to Sophia and Laura* You're both sweet. *hugs* But like I said, it wasn't really about the fans... his blog entry just made me weepy because it was so PERFECT! I was kinda happy when I cried watching him. And also, my own mess (the writing issue etc.) added to it all. I'm okay now. Thank you both!

But I think Josh's words won't bring about miracles. I don't want to sound all weird, but do we like, heed the words of all those big leaders of love- Buddha, Jesus, etc? If we still don't listen to THEM, what can an "insignificant" man like Josh do? Nah, he's so saviour... but he sure does his best to keep us happy, and spread love. And if he manages to touch just ONE person with his words, they weren't in vain... so, good job dude, keep those positive blog entries coming!

loveJoshsSmile wrote:

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awwwww....K, i'm so glad you are feeling better
the full moon affects me too..... *sigh*~wish it wouldn't

anger only helps anger grow

i toatlly second that
we're here for you siena...all you have to do is think positive thoughts, let your anger go, let it drift away, just as it came.
and always remember: your grobie sisters will always be here for you!

They can't take away your love for Josh, and the wonderful feeling of belonging to a great community.

you're right K, ..... and that is the best thing in the whole world.... love never fades- i learnd that from you- it's just overwelmed, or blinded, or cought.... by other emotions, like fear, anger, disapointment, but it never leaves you. it's there, you just have to look for it harder so you can find it and free it from it's chage....
(a geltile reminder)

thx you guys for helping me w/ your kind words when i needed them ~ it's my turn now, only i can't say much....i am not that wise as you all are

Okay first of all, HOW do you reply so that the replies are separate but still within the same post?! It's beyond me... Also, is there a way to reply to more than one post, in the same reply?! Say, I want to reply to three posts within one reply. I want to have the names and posts paired up. I am such a schmuck sometimes, I keep replying individually and I take up so much space and GAH. (Then again I like to reply individually LOL.)

Second, bah, wise? Who, me? Never. I just blabber on and on and on... it's not like I say smart stuff haha...

Lexxa, we're here for each other, I really can't see any other way, I won't sit back and just read and lurk and read about people's sadness and happiness and stay out of it. I mean, what's the point of staying in the shadows? The world is here for us to interact and learn from each other. We're all different, and we can all teach each other this or that... as far as I know, this is not Tibet, we're not monks, we haven't chosen a vow of silence, so... from such a big distance there really isn't much we can do, words are the most we can give each other, why not do it? ((Lexxa)) Just listening and saying "well, I can hear you" is sometimes greater help we can imagine.